28Nov, 2009

Another crazy night and another crazy song, I played Nas and his 'Fallen Angel' and it was amazing, I felt like he was talking to me.

Then I felt gravity pulling my body and my soul leaving it, it started shivering, I was just lying and thinking and then my mind gave up, it just gave up.
I was high by memories of old times. Time so slow that even the clocks can't match, Rastafarian's can't conquer and kings can't rule neither god can define.
This is life and so close is death, sky is the limit and depth of an ocean is it's meaning. Something so deep that words can't explain, music can't define and another life can't ressurect.
Ain't this simple life meant to be hard?

There is a reason to live, I guess I have another reason 'Hate'
Perhaps not all find heaven and perhaps I know it so good, I just have to write it again, define it again, from the start to the end, from life to death, from child to father, from mother to daughter, from rivers to an ocean, from sky to stars, from light to darkness and from hate to love.

Yet again I'm back in the same old boat, same old feelings and same old reasons. If I drop another joint, it will rise from the ashes I pressume and perhaps death is all that it will speak of. Mine only!

1:42 AM

If Joint 50 is the last then I know that the things that I wanted to talk about would just be pages lost like vanished tapes.

If you know how your last breath is going to be then maybe, just maybe you wouldn't talk about it. If mine indeed is surrounded by shadows of my own self then I'm someone like Nostradamus. If it is like that same old way of traveling with the reaper then I wouldn't wanna know about it. Lying close to the loved ones, eyes dilated looking skinny trying to smile and holding the warmth inside trying to erase time that cannot return.

Mind is customary and can be molded in any form one imagines but some changes are undeviating.

"We begin and we end from ashes to dust and skin to sand.

Mother for heart and brother for mind, life for a puzzle and death to unwind

Father for soul and sister for fire, love for feelings and an endless desire

Closure for beginning and past for future but some roots of trust never nurture"

Something is about to happen, soon perhaps.

22Nov, 09

I guess it's not a fact but a pyramid stone, engraved in realism.

"They always bring unresolved issues" And then I remember this one line my friend once said "if you doubt love, it ain't love anymore".

14th Nov, 09

Yet another moment of purple and yet another song, many heard it and many liked it.

This time it was good, I broke the Stilluminati joints and their codes but it doesn't really matter

There is something inside that does it much better and reading me, I'm thinking about the only person who knows me better than anyone ever did or ever will

My brother

 

Nov 14^th, the first drop of cold drizzle took me back to the November of 99.

Peace out!

Nov13, 09

I'm tired.

I guess it's finally the time I have to decide between right and wrong, even though I see no difference.

There is this very thin line that separates me from something that is another image of everything around me, something that pulls me in and grabs me and next thing I know, I'm in this whole new world where everything is slow. They say that you don't think but it makes me think and I think deep. When that Bob Marley classic is playing slow, I'm just paused in a moment and the world around me seems all drunk and moving, whether it's me loosing balance or them, I really don't know but one thing I can say is, they don't do it cause they love it but they do it cause they are taught to.

Addiction is a bitch whether it's for drugs, love, lust, music, magic or madness. I know it all. I know all kinds of addictions. It's amazing that you always judge things the way you see them in that particular frame of time. Even the most horrible things can sometimes change your perspective and you can believe that it's for the good.

The seeds you sow can never surprise you. You should always be aware of the fact that the change comes if there is this miracle or a lie, truth cannot surprise you much but a lie can and many times it does.

06Nov, 09

Watch the hourglass pause and you can easily say that the time can slow down and every moment can be captured.

Hear that opera and the cry of that magical vintage voice that can't be copied, hear the slow jazz, stare a painting by Van Gogh and pause in it, Call your mom and hear her scold you about the world today and the lunch you skipped yesterday, talk to your old buddies about the school time, call dad just to say 'thank you', call brother to say that you need him cause you're about to mess things up, call your sister and tell her that you are with her but right now you need a big favor, call your favorites to hear them speak, call that crazy friend of yours who only wants you to get high and talk about the last time he got high, call one of your friends to hear her talk about the guy who recently dumped her, call those who need you and hear the appreciation their voice carries, talk to someone on the street, smile at someone round the corner, think about someone and expect that they think about you and to your surprise waiting for them to talk to you and saying this same thing, talking to little angels who don't know what a car is but they just want it anyway, help someone somewhere somehow.

Go back to your home town and be surprised by the change and see things move as time passes by so damn fast. You love it there but you know deep down where you really belong.

Walk that old empty street where it use to rain and you look up at the stars in the middle of the night expecting it to rain.

Looking in the eyes of someone and hiding something with a tear and asking them to trust you and you know that they trust you more than anything in the whole world and you know that they would never ask you about it again, even If it's a lie, they would always trust you with it.

Fighting someone for something and being in a position to make a move and when you decide that it's time to do it, her 'hello' changes it.

Hurting yourself only because you think that there is someone out there who got hurt cause of you only and no matter how much you do right, nothing will make that go away.

Thinking about the things we win and lose and time that goes on.

Losing your faith and expecting it to return soon even when it's gone good.

Confessing to god about your sins, even when you know that there is no god out there but the faith you carry for the belief that someone out there is always watching you.

That one final kiss above all, that washes your pain, makes you believe, makes you remember and then makes you forget what you don't want to remember anymore.

All this and more that you can't leave behind.

Stillness of an hour glass never stops time, time goes on. What needs to be done to capture every good moment is to bring that back in life.