254

254 days I was institutionalized.

I had 21 years of experience and my only question, the only thing I use to ask myself as a little kid was 'what is life?', it sure sounds lame and childish but it's not how one can let down something and move on. A crazy weird child and his memories and that is what made him different with nothing good but I have never complained. I'm a curious case. Sometimes it's hard to bear a surprise when sometimes people say surprise and then they wait for my reaction while my only surprise is the word 'surprise'. The funny thing is that there is no book that teaches you about it. You can learn or you can forget.

Maybe I know deep down in my soul somewhere that love never existed but it was until now. I have finally found, learned, understood and now I believe. This is life and its how we know it, at least its how I have learned. Even god cried when heaven's rained and then he swore he would never do something like that again. Even god has a heart. We all have a heart, we just gota learn how to use it.

Thank you Dominus for this life and all my answers that you never answered but made me feel.


 

 

AB +

"today i will start blogging" is what i have been telling my self months ago, however with all that was going on, college et al & then with the final exams approaching, i never really got down to it. And now that the intellectual torture (exams) have ended, being blissfully unemployed (i use the term blissfuly bcos after a long gap i have finally got a BREAK), a tourist in my own house (& im loving it), it struck me once again. So here i am, writting my first blog. TODAY!!

On this little on going holiday that i am on, i spend most of my time doing, well, NOTHING and truth be told i dont even feel guilty about it. Other than the regular, i dont do anything extraordinary or what is expected of me (enrolling for short courses to improve my skill, for skill i believe, will improve on the job).

Now while i enjoy meeting up with friends and each time look forward to the next meeting, I have realised a very common, growing concern. And though it may not sound like 'concern' to some (assuming they consider it a view point/approach), the ability to stay or be positive is not common an ability but something for which training sessions have to be conducted at the office place or speakers delivering lengthy presentations to get the flock inot believing that POSITIVITY is a POSITIVE ATTRIBUTE which can ultimately help you achieve POSITIVE RESULTS.

"POSITIVITY" i guess is a state of mind where you analyse everything like a rational human being and after doing so, inspite of knowing the odds and evens, you choose to go with the evens. For eg. a glass half filled with water can either be looked at as half full or half empty, the choice is yours. Those who choose half full are probably more positive in their approach rather than those who choose half empty.

The benefits of being positive are not uncommon and are emphasised on a regular basis, but even then, sometimes even the most positive person may not be so positive afterall (considering that we are all human beings at the end of the day-sometimes, just sometimes that positive feeling lets us down.) But we should always bear in mind that what gets us down should be reason enough for us to rise up over it.

According to me, positivity is not being unrealistic. It is accepting what comes your way and always knowing that there is a silver lining behind every cloud, more so in the occurance of a tragedy.

Belief in oneself is what I consider to be the first step towards being a positive person, as believing in one's self is learning to love one's self with all the flaws. If you find it hard it hard to love and respect yourself, it will be harder to love and respect another. When ou believe you can - YOU CAN, simply putting it, if you believe you can win the war that's half the battle won or the placebo effect where you believe the sugar pill (made to look like medicine) will cure you, it actually does. So basically it all starts in the head, when you belive that things can happen, when your capable of seeing the good in others, when you are able to bring yourself and others to belive in the right, that's when things will go your way (never forgetting that there will always be problems enroute your destination)-is what I define "Being Positive" as.

Positivity also runs in our blood or else why would we have blood groups such as A+, B+, AB+ or O+? Yes, yes, we also have their negatives but again remember, it is all in the head - if you think so, then so shall it be !! Ans since positivity runs in my blood, I make sure to tell everyone " A, B+ (positive) ok.."

Music... Listen, Learn, Love

Chaos By Mutemath

Complication's my claim to fame
And I can’t believe there’s another
Constantly just another
I can’t avoid what I can’t control
And I’m losing ground
Still I can’t stand down
And I know, yeah I know, yeah

I know you stay true when my world is false
Everything around's breaking down my chaos
I always see you when my sight is lost
Everything around's breaking down my chaos

It’s hard to trust anyone again
After all the let downs I’ve been through
Haunted by what I’ve been through
Air still trapped while I still can't breathe
And I’m screaming out
Give me hope somehow
And I know, yeah I know, yeah

I know you stay true when my world is false
Everything around's breaking down my chaos
I always see you when my sight is lost
Everything around's breaking down my chaos

I know you stay true when my world is false
Everything around's breaking down my chaos
I always see you when my sight is lost
Everything around's breaking down my chaos

Chaos, chaos
I know you stay true, yeah
I know you stay, yeah, yeah, yeah

I know you stay true, everything around's breaking down
I know you stay true, everything around's breaking down

I know you stay true when my world is false
Everything around's breaking down my chaos
I always see you when my sight is lost
Everything around's breaking down my chaos

I know you stay true when my world is false
Everything around's breaking down my chaos
I always see you when my sight is lost
Everything around's breaking down my chaos

Even After I Die

A question mark's on a question mark
And insecurities connect my parts
I thought you are me and I am you
So I talk to myself 'til my face turns blue
Ask me if my feet touch the ground
I drift away and explore the profound
A morph to satisfaction is the trip
It's you... isn't it?...
Father tell me what you think of me
Please, tell me what you think of me
The pressure and the weight comes in with the tide
I tell you that I love you a thousand times
Someone said a silver course lands my door
Now question marks talk to me even more
I'm tired.. and I wanna come home
But all that pains me is the thought of my own
The thought of you just reeks with divinity
A spark by my heart is the symbol of the trinity
I can understand that the stakes are high
But I'd really like to know what I've done and why
I'm floating in a sea of doubt when it comes to that
It seems as though all of my thoughts are now acrobats
I am you, now that's a thought to renege
But in the thought that stops it seems to get big
I wonder why father.. why it is what it is
Because I am what I am?.. what gives?
Alphabet soup brings uncertain T's
A kiss on the cheek is more trouble for me
Is it possible that I might decompose
And reassemble with a spark and a rose
I notice that oblivion follows me around
As ode to forgetful mind is shot down
Eternity is holding a rubix cube
And everything inside it seems to be nude
I just don't get it sometimes it's weird
It barely shakes but escalates into fear
I'm so distraught that it now makes sense
The perfect pony.. but you'll only get a glimpse
Now someone tried to hit it with a stick of bamboo
I wonder wonder wonder wonder who
I grin as the era of the selfish fades
And I'm looking at the skies through a pair of dark shades
And I'm buggin I guess cause it makes me feel good
There's so many things that I misunderstood
I guess I'll never know.. it'd probably cut me like a knife
I swore I spent my life trying to be Christ-like
But I love you father so I can't lie..
I think I'll still be scared even after I die..

By P.M. Dawn